dreams.

There I was, back on the green grass in front of my old high school. The school I never want to set foot in again, ever. I was sitting in the grass when one of my old high school classmates walked by fiddling with a guitar. I never played the guitar in my life but I was curious. I wanted to see if I could play the guitar, so I asked him if I could barrow it for a couple of hours. Well, he said yes and told me he would pick it up after class. I was having fun strumming away at the guitar hoping it would somehow make a song all on its own.

When all of a sudden I felt something standing over me, and it was you. You smiled at me and asked me if you could have a try, with a smile that melts my heart. Of course I said yes, I always say yes to you. I was just so happy to have you around me. Then I turned around to see nobody there, no smiles, just a broken guitar laying in the grass.

Where the f*** did you go? You just broke the guitar and left me? Left without a word, to leave me with all the blame? Of course you did, you always let me take the fall. Nothing is ever your fault. You play dumb, but I'm the dumb one because I should have known. I run to look for you, and you're in the cafe eating. I decide to confront you about the guitar. While I try to think of the words to say to you, you change the subject. The easiest way for you to get away with things everytime, you joke, you laugh, and you play dumb. I fall for it again, then I joke, I laugh, and I play dumb.

Where the f*** did you go? You left me with the bill?! And yet for some reason, I'm shocked. Shocked!? Where are you now? I'm looking for you, but I can't find you. Then I'm sad, sad because you're not here with me. My dream ends with me, alone, and sitting in the yard of my old high school, thinking it was my fault.

I always have crazy dreams and I remember more of them then any other person I know. When ever I have dreams, I can never really explain them until I tell someone for some odd reason. This dream was so real, and I know everybody says that, but this is exactly how it was between me and you. I saw it all along but I stayed with you. Hoping for the better, always giving you the benefit of the doubt, and letting myself get taken advantage of.

Seriously, I never let anybody do that to me. And I did for you. For this idiot who always thinks he's right, who can lie to my face and not even blink, for this piece of crap who thinks he is actually a man. In the end I still wanted to be with you and I thought I was the one who fucked up. I had this stupid idea in my head that it was my fault. You put it there.
I never heard of a man trying to avoid paying for so many things with his friends, let alone his girlfriend. How shady could you be? I've had boyfriends before who would just tell me they didn't have the money to do things. And I respect that, I don't have a problem with that at all, but don't try to play games to get what you want.

How can you flirt with other people and get mad at me for calling these people skanks when you just met them five minutes ago? I know you're friendly but there's a line. You cross that line all the time, and I don't keep you in the dark about these things. When I say I feel uncomfortable with this type of situation to you're effing face. I thought you were smart enough to understand that, and respect my feelings. I would do the same for you. Instead you decide to make plans with these certain skanks, thinking nothing of it.

Thanks for letting me know how much of a effing useless asshole you can be. It's been awhile since I've seen you or spoken to you, and I hope it stays that way.